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发布时间:2018-11-07 15:30:58 影响了:

  笑话是日常生活中人们消遣娱乐的一种常见语言现象,其目的在于在会话过程中传递和激发幽默感。小编分享超级搞笑的英语笑话,希望可以帮助大家!

超级搞笑的英语笑话阅读

  超级搞笑的英语笑话: Second Mortgage

  This sex researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey of his to check on adiscrepancy. He asks the bloke, "In response to the question on frequency of intercourseyou answered 'twice weekly'. Your wife, on the other hand, answered 'several times a night'."

  "That's right," replies the bloke, "And that's how it's going to stay until our second mortgage is paid off."

  超级搞笑的英语笑话:The Theory of Evolution

  Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength androbustness of the candy as a species.

  To this end, I hold M&M duels.

  Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger,I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

  I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones aregenetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

  Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

  When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to: M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

  超级搞笑的英语笑话:Dominate Your Mate

  Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.

  God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominatedtheir women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

  With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

  God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only,one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

  And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here.

  超级搞笑的英语笑话:The Old Man

  There was a beer party out in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain and thunder. Two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, and finally reached their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other.

  All of a sudden an old man's face appeared outside the passenger window, and he tapped lightly on the window! The man on the passenger side screamed out, "Ahhhhhhh! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!"

  The old man kept knocking, so the driver said, "Well, open the window a little and ask him what he wants!" So, the passenger rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?"

  The old man softly replied, "Do you have any cigarettes?"

  The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants a cigarette."

  "Well, give him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies.

  So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells to the driver, "Step on it!!!", rolling up the window in terror.

  Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down, and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, "What do you think of that?"

  The driver replies, "I don't know. How could that be? I am going pretty fast."

  Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock, and there is the old man again.

  "Aaaaaaaaaaaaah, there he is again!" the passenger yells.

  "Well, see what he wants now!" yells back the driver.

  He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says, "Yes?"

  "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks.

  The driver throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells, "STEP ON IT!"

  They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more knocking!

  "OH MY GOD! HE'S BACK!"

  The passenger rolls down the window and screams in stark fear, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

  The old man replies, "You want some help getting out of the mud?"

  超级搞笑的英语笑话:Breakdown

  Be careful what you wear (or don't wear), when working under your vehicle...especially in public.

  A couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car breakdown in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.

  The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.

  Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward and tucked everything back into place.

  On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.

  The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.

  
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